***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
