my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
