he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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