the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
