I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
