You're my little dorito
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
