is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
