She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
