Screwed.edu
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
