after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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