we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
