Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
