Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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