im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
