the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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