i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
