he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
