I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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