WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize