Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
