Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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