I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
