so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
