She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
