You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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