Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Damn victory sex feels great
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize