i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
