New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
