i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
