If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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