She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
