i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
