i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just google imaged poop.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
a search helicopter?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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