every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
