totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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