After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
