College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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