matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
