dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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