he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
