dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
