Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
