The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
