Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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