god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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