you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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