i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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