im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
