Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
