So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
