I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I am morally bankrupt
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
