Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
