I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
