I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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