imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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