she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
