Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
