I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize