Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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