i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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