They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
