He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
