I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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