Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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