the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize