i permit you to call me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
