carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
