I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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