Whod you bang
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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