I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize