Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize