Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I only lived at night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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